Over the past year I have decided that you should avoid all strangers in public at all costs, because they often leave a very long lasting impression. Here are the five things as follows:
1) A boy licked my leg at a festival I went to.
I went to Reading Festival in August, and this nice boy called Jack let me on his shoulders. Only Jack turned out to be a bit weird and as I was on his shoulders in this druggie raving tent I felt this wet thing on my leg, and I looked down and he had his mouth on my leg, and he was licking it. Thanks for that Jack.
2) A woman told me I looked like a pea with a drum when I tried on a hat.
I was in a clothing store trying on this horrendous purple hat, and my friend and I were laughing because she said I looked bald, when this little old lady came up behind me and said:
There are more but my brain has shut out the rest of them by the sheer awkwardness and embarrassment of these situations.
"You look like a pea with a drum"
And I just smiled and said yes and then walked off as fast as possible. What is a pea with a drum? How could a hat possibly make me look like a pea with a drum?
And I just smiled and said yes and then walked off as fast as possible. What is a pea with a drum? How could a hat possibly make me look like a pea with a drum?
3) A man told me he would remember me in his will because I served him at the till.
I worked briefly at Super drug on the tills, and I was serving this older man with a Jamaican accent. And as I served him, he said slowly:
"Megan," and he pointed at my name tag and then said even more slowly "I will remember you in my will," and then he shuffled off. So this random dude owes me big time, and I expect to have some money coming into my bank in the next ten years.
I worked briefly at Super drug on the tills, and I was serving this older man with a Jamaican accent. And as I served him, he said slowly:
"Megan," and he pointed at my name tag and then said even more slowly "I will remember you in my will," and then he shuffled off. So this random dude owes me big time, and I expect to have some money coming into my bank in the next ten years.
 |
| this was literally him |
4) A man asked me where a strip club was as continued to flirt with me and my sixteen year old friends as he ripped up his discount voucher as he was so nervous.
There was this pale, gawky, ginger haired man/boy. He must have been at least ten years older than us - We were sat in the middle of the street in the town at late dusk, when he started asking where the strip club was (Because I totally go there every weekend obviously, when I look about twelve) Then tried to make idle conversation, to the point where he was so nervous he ripped up his discount ticket. And then he literally announced he had ripped it up and blamed us. And then his friends told him to stop perving on little girls, and then he went off to the strip club. I hope he had a nice night.
There was this pale, gawky, ginger haired man/boy. He must have been at least ten years older than us - We were sat in the middle of the street in the town at late dusk, when he started asking where the strip club was (Because I totally go there every weekend obviously, when I look about twelve) Then tried to make idle conversation, to the point where he was so nervous he ripped up his discount ticket. And then he literally announced he had ripped it up and blamed us. And then his friends told him to stop perving on little girls, and then he went off to the strip club. I hope he had a nice night.
5) A man once had a conversation with me about how muddy it was along a path and then he fell over and his thong came into show.
"Watch your step it's a bit muddy," he said to me and my friend as we trekked through a shortcut. Then he was the one who slipped over, revealing the really nice purple thong he was wearing to us both. Beautiful.
"Watch your step it's a bit muddy," he said to me and my friend as we trekked through a shortcut. Then he was the one who slipped over, revealing the really nice purple thong he was wearing to us both. Beautiful.
There are more but my brain has shut out the rest of them by the sheer awkwardness and embarrassment of these situations.
No comments:
Post a Comment